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ARTICLE
As a single man, life on the road was great fun, with some amazing events and memorable parties. I needed a new challenge and Mastermix offered me one and for that I will always be grateful. I made some incredible friendships during my many years as Mastermix’s ‘man in the van’. But it didn’t always go swimmingly, as you’ll find out.

ROOM SERVICE


The first week of my new job involved travelling with Steve, another Mastermix sales rep, so he could show me the ropes. We were heading to Scotland and after a long day we finally arrived at our hotel. At the reception, Steve proudly announced that he had booked a room. The receptionist looked us both up and down, smiled, asked us to fill in our details, then turned away and started giggling. How strange! We were both wearing a Mastermix shirt with combats, perhaps we looked like a double act? We grabbed the key and headed to our room. Opening the door, we suddenly realised why the girl on reception was so amused. Steve had not booked a twin room, he had booked a double! There it was: a plush double bed with the covers turned down and a chocolate on the pillow. The hotel was fully booked – this was our only option. We looked at each other, nodded politely, dropped our bags, and headed for the bar. If you have ever seen the movie ‘Planes, Trains & Automobiles’… well, you get the picture.

THE LEAGUE OF GENTLEMEN


I was visiting retailers when I received a call from my manager asking me to stay over, as there was a new shop opening and they’d requested a visit the following day. This would not have been an issue, but I was down in London without a hotel booked. It turned out that a friend of the shop owner I was currently visiting had a bungalow available for sales reps. A whole bungalow to myself for £50 – bonus! I could grab a shower, walk up to the local Brewers Fayre and grab a few cold beers and a bite to eat. Perfect.

My idea was immediately thwarted upon arrival, where I was greeted by the bungalow’s owners – who lived there! It appeared I would be spending the night with two elderly strangers and their many dogs. They showed me to my room and announced that dinner was at 7pm. I politely declined and said I would eat out, only to be stopped in my tracks. “We don’t have any of that here. You’ll eat with us whilst you are under our roof.”

It was like a scene from the TV show ‘The League of Gentleman’ – and I was living it. The rest of the evening involved a casserole that was eaten in complete silence, a warm beer (just the one), dogs yapping at me, and an episode of ‘Morse’ before the couple switched off the lights and announced we were all to go to bed – at 9pm. I skipped breakfast, left the bungalow and called my manager. You can imagine how that conversation went!

THE CONCERT


On the subject of elderly people, I am reminded of another time I was in London and met up with an industry friend who invited me to a concert for one of the artists he was representing. Knowing the high standard of acts he managed, I tagged along without actually knowing who I was about to watch.

The venue was intimate, the audience were old – and I mean old. The show was split into three 30-minute sets with 15-minute breaks to allow the aging audience plenty of toilet breaks. I sat there and smiled politely as I watched the pensioners swaying along to the repertoire of club singer turned TV celebrity, Jayne McDonald. There’s three hours of my life I will never get back.

CHUTNEY MARY

The full review can be found in Pro Mobile Issue 108, Pages 22-26.
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